Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
