Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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