my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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