I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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