There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
