If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
