Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
