I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
