Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
