I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
