so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
