3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
