I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
