2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
