kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I die, sorry about rent.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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