shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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