soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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