Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
