She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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