OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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