I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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