You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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