Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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