He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
