i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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