were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
