Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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