Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
