i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
