I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
