Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
