The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
