You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
