hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
