Porn is love you can see.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
