You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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