i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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