Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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