omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were trust falling into bushes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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