Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
