Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
