How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize