I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
