The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
