Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
