Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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