I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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