I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
