I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
