Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Boobs speak an international language.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
