I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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