hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
