im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
