after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
