Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
