I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
