I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
