everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
