im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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