my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize