We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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