Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
