I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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