i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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