dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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