I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
