I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
